Maury Povich revealed today that a Mt. Pleasant Puggle was not the pooper in the apartment complex pooping scandal that has rocked the city to the core. The puggle in question, Sparkles, was widely believed to be the creator of the poop because it “kind of look liked his.” The announcement sent the surrounding crowd into a frenzy when they couldn’t believe the results.

The ordeal started when a few residents at an unnamed apartment complex complained about multiple dog poops on the property. The property management team ordered mandatory DNA testing for all residents’ dogs to track down the guilty pooper. It’s estimated the entire initiative will cost residents millions of dollars to identify the Poo-ligan responsible.

Sparkle’s owner celebrated Maury’s announcement vindicating his dog with DNA evidence. “I told you! That poop doesn’t even look like my dog created it. The turd is too big for my little Sparkles. Y’all haters can shut the hell up now!”

Charleston resident Tim Daniels said this entire ordeal is typical of Mt. Pleasant residents. “This whole thing sums up Mt. Pleasant perfectly. You have one half who are so selfish and entitled, they don’t feel like they need to pick up their own dog’s waste. And you have the other half who wants to involve federal law enforcement every time something doesn’t go their way. Just respect each other and stop wasting money, for crissakes.”

Sparkles will be taking into custody when his DNA matches to a previously unsolved cold case involving a half-eaten newspaper in a nearby driveway. The dog DNA fiasco will consume all of Mt. Pleasant’s time until they find a new ridiculous thing to complain about next week.