Daniel Island Police Bust Underground Pomeranian Fighting Ring

The Daniel Island Police Department performed a raid overnight that broke up an illegal Pomeranian fighting ring. Eight locals were taken into custody but immediately freed after paying their full bond in cash. The Pomeranians have been rescued and brought to the Daniel Island Rescue Shelter, where they’ll be fed Chilean seabass with truffle oil until they’re strong enough to be re-entered into society.

The gang would meet at the same Daniel Island home every week to fight Pomeranians on the tiled kitchen floor, as not to damage the bamboo floors in the living room. Gang members would wager items including Apple Watches, golf clubs, and Kitchen-Aid mixers with the ice cream maker attachment. Most Pomeranian fights consisted of annoying high-pitched barking until the other dog got tired and laid down.

Crystal Taylor from the Daniel Island Dog Rescue Society said the pups were put through hell. “No dog should have to endure what these little pups had to,” she said. “They were sleeping on dog beds that weren’t filled with down feathers, they were fed store-brand food, and worst of all…their collars had phony diamonds in them. What kind of monster would do this to a Pomeranian?”

The raid was made possible by the undercover work of Special Agent Victor Hansen, who infiltrated the gang over the last twelve months. “I had to earn their trust and become one of them,” he said. “I even bought clothes at Vineyard Vines to blend in. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be that douchebag wearing pink shorts? But I persevered and did it, because I love those adorable little fur balls.”

The police believe their work isn’t over yet, as rumors are spreading about an illegal Yorkie racing operation in town. If you have any information that can help with their apprehension, Daniel Island Police encourage you to have your housekeepers drop by and pass the tip along for you.

1 Comment on "Daniel Island Police Bust Underground Pomeranian Fighting Ring"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | October 3, 2016 at 2:37 pm | Reply

    Daniel Island’s seedy underbelly.

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