Daniel Island Pick-Up Basketball Game Ends With Neither Team Able To Score a Single Point

Daniel Island men playing pick-up basketball yesterday were forced to call an end to their game after two hours because no one could score a single point. The men usually play tennis or lacrosse, but decided to change things up with a game of basketball, which they soon regretted.

The Caucasians players struggled to get any offense going on either side, with most shots not even hitting the rim. The transition game was a struggle since every ball handler dribbled the ball off their own foot and out of bounds. There was also an injury timeout while one of them dealt with a really bad calf cramp.

Francis Jameson, who went 0-47 from the field, said he wasn’t to blame for his poor performance. “I was totally in the zone,” he said. “But my boat shoes couldn’t get any grip on the court, which forced my aim to be slightly off. I’m going to wear my Ralph Lauren suede’s next time. They have better traction.”

Physical Trainer Emily Ortiz was hosting a boot camp in the park next to the basketball court. “After a while, we just stopped the boot camp and watched their train wreck of a game,” she said. “They couldn’t stop awkwardly flailing and wheezing up and down the court. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh.”

The men recovered by going to Wasabi and getting fresh sushi and wine. Instead of playing basketball next week, they’re expected to go group rollerblading around Daniel Island.

3 Comments on "Daniel Island Pick-Up Basketball Game Ends With Neither Team Able To Score a Single Point"

  1. Whitney Pinckney IV | June 10, 2016 at 10:30 am |

    This story is total rubbish. We were raining three pointers that day. A few of us even made some four pointers. I cry “foul”

    • Does it count as a four pointer if you have a pink polo shirt with a popped collar?

  2. R.T. Shepherd | June 10, 2016 at 12:16 pm |

    Nothing to add. Perfect nonsense… and that”s a good thing!

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