Daniel Island Building Doomsday Vault In Case More Low-Income Housing Is Approved

Daniel Island residents have begun constructing a Doomsday Vault in the event that more low-income housing is approved. Locals are already donating extra sweater vests, cappuccino machines, Rolex watches, and other items needed to survive their lifestyle when sealed off from the rest of the world.

The Doomsday Vault is managed by Brian Darden. “The vault will only be filled with the absolute necessities for Daniel Island residents to survive,” he said. “We’ll have iPads for every child, and we’ve even secured a plastic surgeon to join the vault with us in case any Daniel Island woman need work done in the years to come.”

Locals have already participated in some evacuation drills. When the low-income housing is approved, large outdoor speakers will play Paul Simon’s Greatest Hits, signaling to residents it’s time to enter the vault. Once everyone has entered the vault and their net worth is verified, it will be sealed for the next hundred years.

Local resident Victoria Foster hopes the vault will preserve their way-of-life for generations to come. “We want our grandchildren to know what life was like before The Poor-ening. It’s important for us to keep record showing this land once flourished with luxury SUVs and unnecessary golf carts before working class people were allowed to live here with their economy sedans.”

The Berkeley County Housing Authority is expected to vote on the addition of low-income housing next week. If Daniel Island residents are able to bribe key committee members before then, the vote will be tabled until next year.

1 Comment on "Daniel Island Building Doomsday Vault In Case More Low-Income Housing Is Approved"

  1. Prissy in Pink | May 18, 2016 at 3:45 pm |

    Oh thank goodness someone has thought of this! I lose sleep every year, especially if it’s an election year, due to the local stations pandering for housing solutions. We can not possible be responsible for everyone who doesn’t know how to get a good job or marry appropriately. The art of socially sleeping has lost its spring and our youth are confused with their minds confined to only 3 digital devices at a time. And who determines what is affordable any way? My daddy, the distinguished retired colonel, U. Arnault Ehmann, always taught his girls to sit up straight, smile wide and work what the good Lord gave us. We are successful because we chose the right path. There is no reason to open our purses for those who won’t challenge themselves to do the hard things to move up in the world. Affordable housing? Honestly, isn’t that North Charleston?

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