In order to protect the homeland, Daniel Island has launched a new extreme vetting process that requires new residents to pass an intense Seinfeld trivia exam. The new vetting process was implemented after concerns were raised that hundreds of new residents were pouring across Daniel Island’s borders and could pose a risk to the island’s safety.
Daniel Island Police Chief Phil Hoffman discussed how they formulated the new vetting process. “We had to find the whitest TV show in history,” he said. “We debated between using Friends or Gilmore Girls trivia, but ultimately decided on Seinfeld. Anyone who doesn’t know what body part George modeled is only here to cause trouble.”
Daniel Island resident Travis Hendricks said he’s glad this level of protection has been added. “I need to know the people living next to me are safe,” he said. “If you can’t tell me what type of golf ball Kramer hit into the whale, you clearly don’t belong on Daniel Island.”
Gina Roland applied for new residency on Daniel Island and had to endure two hours of intense Seinfeld interrogation. “I thought I did mostly okay, but I couldn’t remember the names of Elaine’s bizarro friends,” she said. “My interrogator looked pretty upset when I couldn’t come up with the answer. I hope this doesn’t prevent me from closing on my new house.”
The ACLU has filed a lawsuit claiming the Seinfeld vetting process is unfair and unconstitutional. They’ve asked for slightly less white TV shows like Saved By The Bell and Scrubs to be incorporated into the trivia vetting process.