A healthcare company in North Charleston hosted a company-wide first quarter conference call yesterday, but things quickly descended into chaos when the host refused to mute all participants’ lines. Initial estimates showed over two hundred confirmed attendees on the call, with one-third of those employees working from home.
Employee Dana Popper shared her dismay for how things went down. “I’m not sure what they were thinking. You can’t expect that many people to remain silent for the entire call. Someone always forgets we can hear them. It’s not surprising that things went to hell in a handbasket.”
The call began smoothly before the minor interruptions started. First, a dog barking. Then, hold music as someone on the call answered their other line. Things got back on track until everyone on the call heard the combined noises of a baby crying, a microwave cooking lunch, and the Law & Order theme playing in the background.
“I was just trying to do something different for once,” said distraught conference call host Jenny Higgins. “Our conference calls are usually so stiff and one-sided. I wanted mine to be cool and interactive so people could speak their minds. I had no idea it would turn out so poorly.”
The conference call ultimately came to a grinding halt when everyone clearly heard the sound of an unidentified male urinating into a toilet while humming “Hotline Bling” by Drake. Higgins reportedly became flustered and started frantically pressing buttons on the phone, then yelled, “How the hell do you mute everyone?” before prematurely ending the call.
Chief of Communications Richard Laslow would like to prevent this from happening in the future. “I’d like to form a committee to review this issue and identify a solid answer.” The committee will present their recommended solution to upper management, where their request will sit unanswered for months because it doesn’t generate any revenue.