CofC Fraternity Offers Full Scholarship to 8th Grade Douchebag

Fraternity recruitment is getting more competitive every year, and now a College of Charleston fraternity is taking it to the next level. Members of the Delta Iota Kappa fraternity have offered a full scholarship to 8th grader Lance Hammond, a five star rated douchebag out of Greenville, South Carolina.

Fraternities normally don’t give scholarships when they offer membership, but Delta Iota Kappa was desperate to get Lance. The alumni held an emergency meeting and voted to include a full scholarship with his bid. Lance jumped at the offer and signed his Letter of Intent on Saturday.

ESPN Analyst Mel Kiper praised Lance’s talents. “You don’t see a kid like this every day,” he said. “He already thinks he’s God’s gift to women, he’s never done a single hour of community service in his life, and when he’s not wearing his sunglasses, he hangs them on the neck of his shirt. He’s going to be one of the biggest fraternity douchebags we’ve ever seen.”

Delta Iota Kappa’s Recruitment Leader Gavin Bilson explained why they offered membership to a candidate so young. “We normally don’t offer scholarships to candidates this early, but it’s rare when someone is this full of themselves at this age. He’s like the Doogie Howser of pretentious A-holes, and we can’t wait for him to be our frat-bro.”

We reached out to Lance for comment, but he was too busy Snapchatting to answer us.

1 Comment on "CofC Fraternity Offers Full Scholarship to 8th Grade Douchebag"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | May 23, 2016 at 1:06 pm |

    Good fit!

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