CofC Frat Throws Epic Tea Rager After Alcohol Ban

It’s been two weeks since the College of Charleston banned all alcohol-related activities for its fraternities and sororities. The Greek system has been struggling to cope with the sudden culture shock, but one fraternity has forged ahead by innovating a new party experience. Delta Iota Kappa recently hosted an epic tea party that put their old keggers to shame.

Delta Iota Kappa President Ian Wright made the decision to switch to mega-tea parties and hasn’t looked back. “It hasn’t been easy, but we decided as a frat to persevere and host the best tea parties on campus,” he said. “Sure, it’s not easy to land ping pong balls in tea cups when we’re playing Beirut, but we’ll figure it out. We want all incoming bro-dawg freshman to rush DIK because we throw the fanciest fucking ragers on campus.”

The first tea rager was held on Wednesday night, when hundreds of students descended on the DIK house for fine teas and crumpets while listen to Beethoven’s biggest hits. College students were seen shooting mini-quiches and downing finger sandwiches. There was even a video sent out on SnapChat showing Mike “Chamois Stomach” Wilson downing cold-brewed chamomile tea through the frat’s two-story funnel.

College of Charleston Junior Alanna Tyler said the new style of partying required an adjustment period. “When they said this party would have all the freshest jams, I thought they meant the latest hip-hop songs. Not actual fresh fruit preserves served on artisan breads. Tea is okay and all, but I was hoping to catch a buzz.”

Delta Iota Kappa Senior Chris Donahue said he’s seen major personal improvements since the transition to tea ragers. “I’m not hungover in the morning, I show up to all my classes, and I’m way more productive with my day since I swapped hard liquor for tea,” he said. “I also haven’t been arrested or pissed my pants in my sleep, which is a refreshing change.”

4 Comments on "CofC Frat Throws Epic Tea Rager After Alcohol Ban"

  1. One of the best “articles” yet!

  2. Freshest Jams!

  3. Earl Gray banned at College of Charleston after three reported cases of Bergamot poisoning. Students originally thought it was one of the original Lords Proprietors.

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