Clemson Fan’s Plan To Get Blackout Wasted Unaffected By Loss

A Clemson fan’s plan to get blackout wasted continued as planned even though the team was dealt a devastating loss by the Pittsburgh Panthers. Owen Calhoun rallied his friends at the tailgate site after the game and proceeded to drink liquor at a rapid pace until they forgot a football game had even taken place.

Owen said he was surprised the original plan went off without a hitch. “It was such a brutal loss,” he said. “But after the game, we reassembled at our tailgate site, opened up the back of my parents’ Land Rover to blast Widespread Panic at full volume, then proceeded to drink Fireball until we could only speak in vowels. So it was business as usual.”

One of Owen’s friends suggested they do some blow to cheer themselves up, but he refused. “Cocaine is for winners only,” Owen said. “We’ll rip some lines again next week when we trounce Wake Forest.”

After Owen’s crew became extremely inebriated, they angrily criticized all of the ref’s calls during the game while ignoring Clemson’s terrible defensive effort. The conversation soon devolved into an intense argument about who has the best froyo in town, then transitioned to babbling sounds after no one could form sentences anymore.

Owen and his friends will lower their popped collars as a symbol of mourning until next week’s game. Owen’s friends are expected to miss the rivalry game against South Carolina when they pre-game so hard that they pass out in the parking lot before kickoff.




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