Children Preparing For Drunk Parents Coming Home From Brewvival Today

A pair of Daniel Island siblings have begun mentally preparing to deal with their drunk parents when they return home from Brewvival this evening. The Gerwin siblings, 11-year-old Stacy and 9-year-old Eddie, know they will have to tolerate their parents’ annoying-ass behavior after an entire day of them slamming beers.

The parents will be going to the highly-attended Brewvival festival in North Charleston, where innovative craft beers from all over the country can be sampled as much as you want. Some of the beers have quite a high alcohol percentage, so everyone is usually next-level wasted by the time it’s over. The Gerwin parents are expected to get into a verbal spat with another couple before stealing their taxi cab.

Teenage neighbor Erica Quinn usually serves as babysitter when the Gerwins go out on the town. “When they come home hammered, I kinda feel bad for the kids, but they usually accidentally overpay me by thirty bucks, which is hella-dope.”

11-year-old Stacy has become pretty good at spotting whether or not her parents have had too many. “I can usually tell when Mom is drunk,” said Stacy. “She tells me ‘You’re a good kid’ like fifty times, then she puts a frozen pizza in the oven and passes out on the living room couch while it’s still cooking.”

The Germin family isn’t expected to do much tomorrow, because Mom and Dad will have epic hangovers from sampling seventy different craft beers. Stacy and Eddie will most likely be asked to ride their bikes to the Kangaroo Express convenient store to pick up bottles of Gatorade for their parents. The children will spend the rest of the day playing Minecraft until their parents are back to normal.




2 Comments on "Children Preparing For Drunk Parents Coming Home From Brewvival Today"

  1. Robert Graham | March 5, 2016 at 7:09 am |

    Why don’t i receive an email with a fauxcountry link whenever there’s a new one? I’m subscribed.

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