Charleston Ranked #1 City For Beautiful Women Who Have to Settle For Douchebags

Charleston is well-known for winning best city awards from various travel and tourism magazines, but now Charleston has earned a new honor. Stylish Woman Magazine has selected Charleston as the #1 city with the most beautiful women who must settle for complete douchebags.

Editor-in-Chief of Stylish Woman Corrin Mason said it was an easy choice when all was said and done. “We visited a lot of cities,” said Mason. “But within one hour of touring Charleston, it became abundantly clear this city was the winner. I’ve never seen so many hot women paired with such arrogant asswipes.”

Charleston is well-known for having a 2-to-1 female-to-male population ratio. The gender discrepancy leads to the phenomenon known as The Musical Chairs Effect on the dating scene. In your early 20’s, the music starts and all the decent, good-looking guys are immediately snatched up. As the music continues playing into your late 20’s, the remaining population of single men are claimed and married in progressive order from “he’s okay” to “meh.” When women hit their early 30’s, they’re forced to date one of the leftover douchebags before the music stops and they become a crazy cat lady.

Local women have formed support groups to help process and deal with their douchebag boyfriends. Fauxcountry News was recently granted permission to sit-in on one of these group sessions. Local Stephanie Boyd shared her recent frustrations. “I took my douchebag boyfriend out to meet some of my work friends, but he just played Candy Crush on his phone instead of talking to people. He kept ordering shots of Fireball even though he’s not working right now, then tried to fight the bartender when he got cutoff. I wish I could kick him to the curb, but I really don’t want to become a crazy cat lady.”

The tide may be turning for Charleston females. Word of the abundance of attractive single women is spreading to cities with the reverse gender problems. Charleston will soon be flooded with male transplants from Denver, Seattle, and San Diego, swinging the balance of order back in the right direction, sending thousands of recently-dumped douchebags scurrying into the night.




44 Comments on "Charleston Ranked #1 City For Beautiful Women Who Have to Settle For Douchebags"

  1. Localsinceforeva | February 1, 2016 at 9:19 am |

    This is FACT not satirical.

  2. Hey, I think I know that woman.

  3. Rocky Pipes | February 1, 2016 at 6:30 pm |

    In an unrelated article, “Charleston ranked #1 city where, Douschebags’ most likely to pick up the check.”

  4. Funny, when I lived there, women were intimidated by educated, smart men. They preferred to date “truck-driving” redneck country-boys because they were easy to please and not as smart/sophisticated. I have little sympathy for dumb Southern women…..

    • I resent that. I have a very educated boyfriend who does not drive a truck. I’m not dumb either. I am a Charlestonian, born and raised.

      • I’m there with you. How many of these so called “Charleston women” from here, or the south?

        • Good question. I remember a number of Northern, when in college, who really turned me off from Northern men.

    • Sure, you couldn’t get a date because women were “intimidated” by you. Loser.

  5. This is actually true! I gave up years ago! I guess I fall into the crazy cat lady segment only I don’t have any cats! Michael, I would never date a red-neck! I only date college-educated professionals! Maybe if you weren’t a snobby asshole, a sophisticated Southern lady would have dated you. Alas, sounds like you are one of the card carrying douchbags who thinks a lady should be grateful you are present!

  6. I was there for a year n see gorgeous women but all stuck the mall up

    • Most of the girls accused if being stuck up are just shy. I have always been accused of being stuck up when in all actuality I’m scared to talk to guys first because they have ego problems and if the girl isn’t perfect they act tough in front of their friends. Sounds like we both need to learn to take chances!

      • Any 30 year old woman would tell you to walk right up and take it. (Unless it’s theirs)

    • Deportivo | March 8, 2017 at 1:22 pm |

      They just racist and they don’t like the mexicans.

  7. Stuck up as he’ll I ment

  8. I have lived I Charleston my entire life. This is the truth. The transplants (people that move here and claim Charleston as home after leaving another city/state) come here looking for a good southern woman. Some say women here are snobbish but you need to define snobbish. If snobbish means that we are a beautiful lady inside and out and may be educated, hold good jobs and k of what we want then if you call that snobbish then I hate to see what you actually settle for. Us true Charleston women do not want just “any man” if we did then we’d all be married to these dochebags, however, she do the settle for less than what we deserve. If that offends you then you must be in the douchbag category.

  9. I meant *know what we want* and also *we do not settle for less than what we deserve * not she

  10. Paratrooper | February 2, 2016 at 5:53 pm |

    Horseshit. I grew up in Moncks Corner SC, college graduate and military combat vet. There are tons of men here that dont want a relationship with these Charleston bitches that think their shit doesnt stink. They settle for douchbags because that is the only men who will date them.

  11. Mr Knowitall | February 3, 2016 at 5:59 pm |

    Anyone that keeps spreading the falsehood of the men/women ratio in Charleston is unqualified to write anything. Seems like googling census statistics would tell you it is pretty much one to one (51.4% women), maybe percentages confuse you so let me clarify this for you. That is ONE HALF not 2 to 1.

  12. I’m not a douchebag. I find several of these comments come from people who are probably douchebags but whatever. People judge shallowly. And as I have my own issues right now, I’m up front with those issues and don’t push relationships with people because of them.

  13. If not wanting to put up with crazy women who also find it next to impossible to occasionally reach into their oversized Louis Vuitton handbags and buy a drink or the occasional meal or even cook a meal , Then I’m happy to be a douche bag !

  14. The biggest question as a guy I have to ask is where are all these Charleston beautiful women at????

  15. I find it A wee bit arrogant that you refer to Charleston without attaching it’s state. I suppose you’re referring to Charleston, SC. But there are other Charlestons (such as our Charleston, WV)…a great city by the way.

  16. This website reports news on the real Charleston not the West Virginia copy.

  17. I’m a decent looking girl but def not super gorgeous like most of my friends are and it’s impossible for me to get any male interest. They only go for my friends lol. If you are a single woman and aren’t a social butterfly or have model looks, you don’t have to reach your 30s before becoming the crazy cat lady, it’s just inevitable.

  18. As a transsexual-transplant, I feel I can offer an objective view that goes both ways. Both sexes want one thing in Charleston: money. When I was a man, I dated rich older women, so I could “earn” enough money to afford my operation. Now that I am an older woman who has no money because of said operation, I prefer any man with money so that I can afford continuing hormone treatments and killer high heels.

  19. R.T. Shepherd | April 9, 2016 at 12:58 pm |

    All I know is that Chucktown has a passel of gorgeous woman and a mess of clueless, sports obsessed men. Why these pretties want the latter I don’t
    pretend to know. Love is inexplicable. Funny as heck article….actually hitting close to home….

  20. Just moved to Charleston from the west coast and I won’t say which state, but even in the small town I lived in there were about 10 times more attractive women around than over here, very chill and easy to talk to also.

    I get over here expecting to be all these attractive women around and I go out and all I see is a bunch of fat cows and the very few decent looking ones are unapproachable and have men lining up to talk to them, there isn’t that many women at all! These are lies!

    But I’m only here for the money anyway, if you expect to find a smart, attractive babe here I don’t think you are going to find it in the night life/bar scene, you will meet an unlimited supply of idiots though and end up getting into trouble at some point.

  21. i am an older married man who moved to Charleston 15 years ago, so I don’t have a dog in this fight; but, I have found that there a multitude of beautiful, smart, and fun women in town. If I was 30 years younger and single, this beautiful city would be Vahalla. If you can’t find love in Charleston, it’s you, not the women.

    • Brandon,

      You are very true. I travel through Charleston a few times a year and vacation in the surrounding area. I am enamored by the beauty and whit from the women of Charleston. I once came closed to marrying one years ago. I frequently stop in down town to get a drink at Pies and Pints just to people watch.

      • Cuurntly, I live in NJ and when my youngest graduates HS, I’m considering moving my life and marketing firm to Charleston. As a quality, mature single man I’m encouraged hearing about the abundance of beautiful single women in Charleston.

  22. “Horseshit. I grew up in Moncks Corner SC, college graduate and military combat vet. There are tons of men here that dont want a relationship with these Charleston bitches that think their shit doesnt stink. They settle for douchbags because that is the only men who will date them.”

    That’s worth repeating.

    Also, many quality, not-desperate men are tired of doing all of the work when it comes to approaching women and asking them out. (Practically all women don’t do anything . . . not even show an interest.) These men are asking fewer and fewer women out because they have decided to have other things going on in their lives.

    So maybe that many times (not all the time) the ones left to approach women are the “douchebags”???

  23. I’m late to the faux news (thank goodness my teen boys eventually got me in the loop) but I LOVE YOUR WORK. While I recognize that many of your satirical commentaries are frighteningly close to literal, I think the most enjoyable aspect of it is seeing how many people’s comments seem to miss the satire element entirely . Thanks for “keeping it real”

  24. BackOnTheScene | March 5, 2017 at 11:22 pm |

    Truth is stranger than fiction…

  25. I know many beautiful men & women in Charleston.

  26. Obviously there are some “boys” commenting on this thread.
    Boys, southern women are raised a particular way.
    They are raised to not be aggressive, not be overly needy and they are taught that their men should fight for them. In the current day AND age this means commitment in the moment. Showing a real authentic interest in the woman you desire.
    We don’t play. Your antics don’t impress us. Who you really are as a stand up gentleman does impress us.
    Southern women expect you to PLAN an evening.
    Southern women expect that you’ll take charge. Because you’re a MAN.
    Southern women expect chivalry. Manners.
    They want to be proud of who is on their arm, not emabarrassed for gods sake.
    You use money as your own excuse.
    Stop showing your weakness.
    Be confident, real, totally authentic and show her who you are. A confident person willing to be vulnerable. Willing to show yourself and you just may find that person.
    Being something you are not, well that’s a disaster waiting to happen.
    We are “seeers”. We can see right through you, to the very core. And We feel. Strongly. Because we are connected to God and our own intuition. stop the bs and maybe you’ll find a woman who will stand up for you through thick and thin. Honor and cherish you.
    But you’ll never know because you’re a putz. Aka “puss”.
    We can just as easily love cherish and honor you, fight for you in return, and at the same time we won’t flinch if we need to shove your balls up your own ass.
    Southern Woman

  27. ppl in south carolina are very charming. chivalry is dead in canada. trust me – ive travelled to many places and something about the south is very comforting and different from up north. ive been to charleston 4 times and im from toronto. despite the negative reviews ive read – every time i visit CHS I fall in love with the town and its people. its a monogamous place.
    in canada, ppl dont do marriage – they enjoy instant gratification. things like POF / Tinder. In SC, I find…. ppl enjoy slowing down. People take their time. With work, dating, etc.

    Even with social media on the rise – CHS seems to take life nice and slow – like the way life should be.
    If you hate dating in CHS – move to canada for a month. i promise you – you will change your perspective on the dating scene in CHS.
    Canada is superficial and brutal.

  28. Hello y’all.

    Im sad to hear negative reviews on the town i love most.
    at the same time – I acknowledge that each person has their own experience with CHS. For me, my experience is: ppl in south carolina are very charming. I find that its a chivalrous town. From my experience, (and where Im from) chivalry is dead in canada.

    Ive travelled to many places — something about the south is very comforting and different from up north. ive been to charleston 4 times. With each time it gets better. Despite the negative reviews ive read – every time i visit CHS I fall in love with the town and its people. its a monogamous place. Its a very marriage place.
    In canada i noticed — ppl dont do marriage – they enjoy instant gratification or praise. Canada can be superficial.

    What I like about CHS is that ppl in SC seem to take life nice and slow.
    If you hate dating in CHS – move to canada for a month. i promise you – you will change your perspective on the dating scene in CHS.
    Canada is superficial and brutal. No one falls in love in canada. Its a work-town. not a ‘Build-a-family” town.

    Just being honest / straightforward.

    Thanks for reading / support. All feedback / insights are much appreciated.
    🙂

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