Charleston is well-known for winning best city awards from various travel and tourism magazines, but now Charleston has earned a new honor. Stylish Woman Magazine has selected Charleston as the #1 city with the most beautiful women who must settle for complete douchebags.
Editor-in-Chief of Stylish Woman Corrin Mason said it was an easy choice when all was said and done. “We visited a lot of cities,” said Mason. “But within one hour of touring Charleston, it became abundantly clear this city was the winner. I’ve never seen so many hot women paired with such arrogant asswipes.”
Charleston is well-known for having a 2-to-1 female-to-male population ratio. The gender discrepancy leads to the phenomenon known as The Musical Chairs Effect on the dating scene. In your early 20’s, the music starts and all the decent, good-looking guys are immediately snatched up. As the music continues playing into your late 20’s, the remaining population of single men are claimed and married in progressive order from “he’s okay” to “meh.” When women hit their early 30’s, they’re forced to date one of the leftover douchebags before the music stops and they become a crazy cat lady.
Local women have formed support groups to help process and deal with their douchebag boyfriends. Fauxcountry News was recently granted permission to sit-in on one of these group sessions. Local Stephanie Boyd shared her recent frustrations. “I took my douchebag boyfriend out to meet some of my work friends, but he just played Candy Crush on his phone instead of talking to people. He kept ordering shots of Fireball even though he’s not working right now, then tried to fight the bartender when he got cutoff. I wish I could kick him to the curb, but I really don’t want to become a crazy cat lady.”
The tide may be turning for Charleston females. Word of the abundance of attractive single women is spreading to cities with the reverse gender problems. Charleston will soon be flooded with male transplants from Denver, Seattle, and San Diego, swinging the balance of order back in the right direction, sending thousands of recently-dumped douchebags scurrying into the night.