Charleston Man Stares Longingly Out the Window, Waiting for College Football to Return

A Charleston man has been staring longingly out the window for months, waiting for college football to return. Sam Kilburn has been deeply depressed ever since the college football season ended, and doctors aren’t sure if he’ll come out of it anytime soon.

Sam’s wife, Lauren, isn’t sure what to do to snap him out of it. “He just sits there whimpering in a depression all day and night,” she said. “I’ve tried to show him baseball and hockey, but it does nothing for him. I’ve even tried to feed him potato skins and shots of Fireball, but he said it doesn’t feel right unless football is on. I’m out of options.”

Sam’s doctor said this condition is quite common for Lowcountry men. “We usually see a lot of lethargic, disconnected individuals this time of year. Men in Charleston have trouble surviving the doldrums of summer sports. NBA basketball and MLS soccer are a snooze-fest compared to the thrill of college football. The only thing that will cure them is that first kickoff of the season.”

Sam knows he can’t survive without college football. “There’s nothing like live college football. Sure, the recruiting blogs and message boards provide a tiny bit of enjoyment during the offseason, but it’s just not the same as sitting in front of the TV from the start of ESPN College Gameday till the end of the late west coast game, consuming every single minute of play throughout the entire day. Once you get a taste of college football, you can never go back.”

Sam is expected to roar back to life at the beginning of college football season when Oregon State plays Colorado State on August 26th. His family will try to enjoy as much time with him as possible before he shuts down again at the end of the upcoming season.




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