The City of Charleston filed a restraining order against travel magazine Conde Nast Traveler today after nearly a decade of stalking. The travel magazine named Charleston the best destination in the world for the ninth consecutive time despite several break-up attempts. Now Charleston is seeking the court-ordered space it desperately needs.
City official Denise Billman said the obsession needs to stop. “It was already getting kind of weird when they named us Best Destination five times in a row, but now we’re mega-creeped out after nine times. We get it. You like us. It’s time to move on and give us some space.”
Conde Nast spokesperson Carrie Pearson insisted the recognition will not stop. “We’ve texted Charleston like 50 times, and they haven’t responded. Did they get the mixtape we sent them? I thought we were in soul mates. No travel magazine loves Charleston as much as we do! We’re meant to be together forever!”
Local Charleston resident Danny Weston voiced his frustration with the recognition. “Stop telling people how awesome Charleston is! The secret is out, and now we have all these smelly people from Ohio moving here bragging about Baker Mayfield being the next coming of Christ. Can’t you shine a light on Austin, Texas, for once?”
Things will become very uncomfortable next year when every Conde Nast employee carves a “Charleston 4 Eva” tattoo in their chest with ink from a Bic pen. Conde Nast will try to get around the restraining order by catfishing Charleston on Facebook with a fake Travel & Leisure Magazine account.