Charleston City Hall Email Hack Reveals What Everyone Wants For Lunch

Charleston City Hall is in crisis mode this morning after hackers released hundreds of employee emails detailing what everyone wanted to eat for lunch. The emails document where people prefer to eat, what alleged food allergies certain individuals have, and who’s the annoying person that asks you get takeout with a fountain beverage for them after you’re done eating.

A hacker group named Synonymous has claimed responsibility for the release of emails. They posted a public statement that said, “We hoped to find some juicy City Hall secrets to expose, but all we found were boring emails talking about food. We need to build our hacker cred so we just released them anyway.”

The emails revealed lengthy debates about whether everyone should go to Wendy’s or Chick-fil-A for lunch. They also revealed how much everyone hates the girl in Human Resources who microwaves leftover fish in the breakroom and stinks up the entire office every day.

Mayor John Tecklenburg apologized after his emails showed he deviated from his healthy diet. “I haven’t been truthful,” he said. “I told everyone I was on The South Beach Diet and I did in fact eat processed carbs on many occasions. All I can do now is earn the people’s trust back.”

Charleston City Administrator Carolyn Buck said the release of emails has created some problems in the workplace. “Some co-workers have seen emails that weren’t intended for them,” she said. “Now Jenny in Accounting knows I think she’s full of shit for claiming to be allergic to gluten. Whatever…I hated eating salads with her anyway.”

Synonymous has also claimed to have hacked North Charleston City Hall’s email servers. They’re threatening to release a treasure trove of emails from city employees arguing about where to go for happy hour.




2 Comments on "Charleston City Hall Email Hack Reveals What Everyone Wants For Lunch"

  1. R.T. Shepherd | August 2, 2016 at 2:24 pm |

    Almost sounds as if we’d been given a lens on office politics country wide. Hats off!

  2. Erica Rowley | August 24, 2016 at 9:40 am |

    Add Kiawah and Seabrook; lots of great satirical material just waiting to be written.

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