Bachelorette Wearing Penis Necklace at Downtown Bar Excited For Her Super Classy Wedding

A bachelorette wearing a multi-color penis necklace at a downtown bar was seen bragging about how classy her wedding ceremony is going to be. Kayla Ross bar-hopped with her entire bachelorette party entourage while checking off items on their risqué scavenger hunt list before her wedding today.

Kayla and her friends traveled from bar to bar on King Street, making men feel uncomfortable and obligated to help them with their scavenger hunt list. The list included kissing the bartender, having a stranger write a funny saying on your ass with a Sharpie, and getting a lap dance from the bar bouncer.

Kayla couldn’t contain her excitement for her upcoming elegant wedding ceremony. “I made my parents spend eighty grand on my wedding so I could properly showcase my classy tastes and design choices,” she said. “People are going to remember my wedding as one of the most sophisticated events they’ve ever seen.” Kayla then grabbed a random bald guy’s ass and checked it off her list.

Downtown bar-goer Matt Schumer got to hear all about the wedding details from Kayla. “It was kind of hard to understand everything she was telling me because of the slurring,” he said. “But she said something about tulips and floating candles before licking a line of salt off my stomach and taking a shot of tequila.”

Kayla’s marriage will experience difficulty in two weeks when a picture of her pressing her bare boobs against a historical statue surfaces on Facebook. She’ll also require counseling when one of her old sorority sisters out-wedding’s her later this year.

2 Comments on "Bachelorette Wearing Penis Necklace at Downtown Bar Excited For Her Super Classy Wedding"

  1. Satire aside .. Sadly this is what has become of a once great town. The rich kids have killed the vibe. I see it everyday in my work.

    • Jake Straw | May 13, 2017 at 2:26 am |

      I totally agree with you there!! My wife watches that horrible reality show that is based here & that pretty much sums up WAY TOO MUCH of the typical downtown nightlife crowd on the weekends!!

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