An overly-annoying liberal woman is preparing to ruin all her friends’ April Fool’s Day by posting angry Facebook comments on their prank posts and declaring them totally offensive. Debbie Jensen is known for being a perpetual victim’s advocate, even though she doesn’t know a single person afflicted by the tragedy she’s angrily shaming her friends about.
“I can’t believe people joke about such serious issues on April Fool’s Day,” said Debbie Jensen. “Last year I had a friend that tried to trick people by posting on Facebook that he bought a house in Alaska and he was leaving town. Are you kidding me? Some people can’t afford to buy a house in this world. You shouldn’t make jokes about it and hurt their feelings. I responded by commenting with a sternly worded lecture.”
Debbie has been known to be a buzzkill on posts related to topics of race, religion, police brutality, climate change, animal rights, insect rights, having babies, carpeting, fat-free cream cheese, walking, lip balm, and many more. She’ll create a scenario where a hypothetical victim would become upset with the post, even though a real victim may not really exist.
One of Debbie’s friends, Alan, is fed up with her asserting her moral superiority on everyone. “Just when I think there aren’t any topics left for her to be offended by, she pulls something out of her ass and ruins another funny Facebook post. The funny thing is she’s never done a single hour of community service in her life. She’s too busy drinking cheap beers at the Recovery Room.”
Debbie has already submitted for time off from work tomorrow so she can dedicate her entire day to letting the air out of other people’s April Fool’s Day Pranks and making them feel guilty. When she’s done, she’ll go see a folk band no one’s ever heard of at The Pour House.