Downtown residents were sent into a panic this morning when a woman wearing white after Labor Day was spotted wandering along Broad Street. Charleston’s Animal Control Unit received a surge in calls reporting the offense and a field unit was deployed to capture the dangerous threat and remove it from the streets.
Animal Control Worker Tim Wilkins assured the public that the threat has been neutralized. “Once we located the fashion violator, we were able to lure her with Godiva chocolate snacks then threw a net over her. We’ve sedated her and will release her back into the wild once her clothing is the appropriate color for this time of year.”
South of Broad resident Cassandra Adams was scared for her life when she spotted the woman in white. “When I saw her bright white outfit, my heart started racing and I ran inside my house for safety,” she said. “Everyone knows what the fashion rules are. That woman must be mentally unstable. I’m just glad they caught her before anything bad happened.”
Fashion Expert Dana Yates said the rule of not wearing white after Labor Day is the law and must be respected by everyone. “We have to appreciate the historical importance of this fashion rule,” she said. “Some snotty rich people randomly came up with it a hundred years ago and said we had to follow it. Now entire generations of women have become paranoid about wearing white after Labor Day for no particular reason. That’s what we do in the fashion world…just obey what people tell you without questioning it.”
The Animal Control Unit was deployed to Upper King Street a few hours later to investigate reports of a woman wearing a leopard print shirt with exposed bra straps.