A visiting family from Tuscaloosa, Alabama got a Griswold-like surprise on Monday when they discovered that The Battery was not, in fact, a battery-centric amusement park. The Byrd family wandered The Battery in bewilderment while coming to terms with the bad news.
The wife, Sally May Byrd, shared her disappointment. “We just kept hearing all these wonderful things about Battery Park on Yelp, so we decided to jump in the pickup and drive right here. My youngest has always loved that Energizer Bunny, and he was so excited to take a selfie with it, but when we got here all we saw was some grass and a white carport thing in the middle.”
The Byrd family wore their matching Duck Dynasty bathing suits because they had hoped the cannons situated around the park would catapult them over the street and into the harbor. Husband Billy Ray Byrd was clearly exasperated. “The least they could do is make those things work so people could have some type of enjoyment. And they don’t even let you race those horse carriages around either. They make you sit in the back while they go two miles an hour. What a rip-off.”
The oldest son, Bill Ray Junior, was frustrated by the lack of food at The Battery. “Where’s the funnel cake and fried butter balls? I’m starving. There’s nothing here but people jogging around.”
Billy Ray Sr. wasn’t ready to give up on treating his family to something amazing, so he loaded them back up in the pickup truck and took them out for a great meal. “I want my family to eat at the finest restaurant establishment in all of Charleston, so I’m taking them to Bubba Gump Shrimp Company.”